WELCOME TO ALCHEMY BAKEHOUSE
The Art of CookieCraft
Thank you for stopping by.
Alchemy Bakehouse is a hyper-regionalized purveyor of the most visually stunning, darkly delicious works of cookie art to be conjured in any geography. These magical cookies are always made to order in small batches in an underground, undisclosed location in Northern California.
Our Alchemists painstakingly craft each of our cookies by hand from the finest ingredients we can curate from across the globe, and each enormous cookie is over a quarter-pound, with some varieties approaching nearly half a pound. For perspective, unless you break them in half there is no way you are going to dunk them in a normal size glass of milk.
Our cookies are currently available for single purchase in limited quantities at Hank & Hazels in Vacaville California, and always available for purchase by the dozen within 50 miles of Sacramento California.
We are thrilled you stumbled upon us and we hope to be able to conjure up a magnificent cookie experience for you soon.
& Unforgettable Gifts
DARKLY DELICIOUS EXPERIENCES
If you want to eat a dozen cookies on your own while watching Netflix go for it, order away, we don't judge. That said, our particular brand of cookie mysticism sparkles most brilliantly when our cookies are shared. We are not ashamed to admit bringing uncommon joy to the human experience is why we do what we do.
What better way to cast a captivating, smile-creating spell than that to give extraordinary cookies as a thank you to those that help your business succeed, or to friends that always make your life a little brighter. Alchemy even makes weddings, celebrations, and events of all kinds more magical.
We would love to talk with you about how we can help you make your own brand of magic with our cookies. Begin your journey by emailing us at: info@TheAlchemyBakehouse.com
“I look out the window and I see the lights
and the skyline and the people on the street rushing around looking for action, love, and
the world's greatest chocolate chip cookie,
and my heart does a little dance.”
- Nora Ephron
A Mysterious Transformation Of Matter
THE METAMORPHOSIS OF CAREFULLY CURATED INGREDIENTS
At Alchemy Bakehouse we do things differently than most commercial bakeries. First of all, most commercial bakeries do not have a dragon in their basement, and they certainly do not subscribe to divination, transmutation, or magic. Their focus tends to lean toward bigger / faster / cheaper and, in the process, they sacrifice quality in lieu of quantity.
Our philosophy lives in a completely different metaphysical realm. We work in smaller hand-made batches and pride ourselves on fussy excitation. We care more about the quality of ingredients and how those ingredients work together to create a stunning final product than how much achieving that objective costs. We absolutely believe this way of approaching our process turns eating a cookie into a much more soul-satisfying and memorable experience for you.
If you would like to learn a little bit more about our Alchemists and what we do, please visit our FAQ page. Also should you care to review a little empirical evidence that our special brand of Alchemy actually does produce magic, keep scrolling to see what some of our amazing customers have to say.
AT ALCHEMY BAKEHOUSE WE ARE ALWAYS SO HUMBLED & GRATEFUL
FOR THE POSITIVE FEEDBACK WE RECEIVE EVERY DAY FROM OUR BEWITCHING CUSTOMERS.
You are going to see repeated themes: magic, dreaming-inducing, obsession, etc. . . . It is just how people describe our cookies.
We can't help it, nor do we want to. Al testimonials are 100% real and unsolici
"ARE YOU KIDDING ME? OMG what in the world is in these things? Those are hands down the best cookies we have ever eaten. Perfectly baked and just amazing. Thank you so much! We are all raving about them. Thank you, thank you, thank you!"
“BEST. COOKIES. EVER. Legit. Hands down. Not a debatable topic. I don’t even love s’mores all that much and that cookie is insanely good. Go get them however you can . . . by any means necessary!
“I was just thinking about those damn cookies. Just the sight of those beauties brings a smile to my face. You better believe I will be calling on my keto cheat days. I’m going to be dreaming about them for the next 3 weeks!”
"Scott Stewart’s genius strikes again! Quite simply, his cookies are pure MAGIC! He hits all the right notes with perfect precision - taste, texture & mouth-watering appearance. Absolute artistry. I have ordered these cookies for several functions and they never disappoint. They even helped me sell my house! Trust me, this will be your next favorite addiction."
"I have seldom met an elevated chocolate chip cookie I have not liked, and have tried many of the “Foodie Famous” cookies from around the U.S. They are famous for a reason, each one is fabulous in its own way. You heard it here first: Alchemy Bakehouse WILL be joining the ‘Foodie Famous’ list of cookies you must try, and it would not surprise me a bit if it gets named best cookie in the country in the future. It is that good."
"These must be from a bonafide Cookie Alchemist because they are truly magical! Fun flavors, huge perfect cookies., only the finest ingredients. There are simply not enough praise-worthy adjectives to do these cookies justice! If you are only going to eat one cookie make it this one!!! Well worth the splurge. (But be warned, you will want more than one!)"
"Scott is some sort of magical cookie wizard and all other cookies bow to his creations. On a trip to Northern California I was privy to experiencing (not ‘trying’ EXPERIENCING) the S’mores, Heath Bar Crunch, Salted Caramel Turtle, and Triple Chocolate Chip Cookie 'Flight' from Alchemy Bakehouse. Oh My Giddy Aunt, they were AMAZING! I seriously considered moving from the East coast just to have these cookies in my life. I am not ashamed to say I still dream about all of them frequently. All hail the Chief Cookie Alchemist and his mad genius!"
"At the risk of sounding overly pretentious, I have been fortunate enough to dine in the highest Michelin-starred restaurants in Italy & France. Obviously in these situations, dessert is not an option; it is a necessity. These restaurants are world renowned and their desserts are spectacular, some of the best I have ever tasted. But, cross my heart, given the option I would rather have a cookie from Alchemy Bakehouse. They are my favorite sweet treat on the planet."
"The perfect cookie can literally make my day! For me it’s Alchemy Bakehouse’s Monster Cookie. Hands down the most delicious cookie I’ve ever had. I literally dream about that thing. Sheer perfection. Peanut M&M’s, oatmeal, chocolate chips, peanut butter chips, peanut butter and who knows what other kind of magic they put in there. I can never eat just one, is always at least THREE . . . and these things are huge!"
"There are days when any cookie will do to feed the bottomless pit that comes after running a dozen training miles every morning. Then there is the Triple Chocolate Chip from Alchemy Bakehouse. These incredible cookies are for satisfying the deep desire for a well-earned reward after a rugged 50 mile run, or 100 mile ultra marathon for that matter. Come to think of it, life is far too short to waste my time with any cookie other than those from Alchemy Bakehouse.
"I was able to get my hands on one of these today. Absolutely one of the most AMAZING scrumptious cookies I have ever eaten. Alchemy Bakehouse, you are da bomb! This cookie rocks!"
" I had the S'mores cookie today and it was truly the best cookie I've ever tasted! I ate the whole thing in one sitting because I was overcome by the fabulousness and couldn't put it down! Just the right amount of crunch and softness! And the toasted marshmallows....wow! You must try them!"
“Just an hour in, and the ‘4 Horsemen’ are already going to need a couple of replacement equestrians. I don’t know your secret, but these cookies are ‘effing phenomenal!”
" Thank you Alchemy Bakehouse for the 'Get Well' cookies, they are definitely the best cookies I have ever had!"
“That Reese's Overload cookie is my weakness. You make the best damn things ever!”
“This S'mores Cookie is literally something I'd fight someone for.”
“I just got back from D.C. where I visited the world famous Milk Bar. I am here to tell you, the Alchemy Bakehouse 'Apocalypse Cookie' kicks their 'Compost Cookie' off the curb."
“SO SO SO good! I broke down and picked up a Black Forest cookie yesterday. THIS is the kind of sweet worth splurging on! Forget all of that packaged garbage at the store!!! Definitely one of the best cookies I've EVER had!”
“Full disclosure: I'm a trained pastry chef and The Borg Cube may indeed be the best Rice Krispie treat I've ever had (including my own!) "
“That Dark Chocolate Peppermint Cookie straight up changed my relationship with Jesus.”
"Alchemy Bakehouse is absolutely amazing. Your cookies are fabulous! EVERYONE loved how they tasted and your presentation, OMG, we were blown away. Equally impressive, your customer service was superb. From the timely return phone calls and text messages, to the odd-hour front step delivery, you exceeded every expectation. Thank you so much!"
“I was in Orlando last week for business so of course I had to stop by Disney Springs to check out Gideon's and try their famous cookies. I have to tell you, I was not all that impressed. You absolutely have them beat in both quality and taste. Alchemy is soooooooooooooooooo much better!”
"Crumbl opened near me and I had to try their cookies to see what all the fuss was about. I was excited for the fun flavors and they looked delicious. Unfortunately they were underwhelming to eat. Crumbl can't seem to make up it's mind if their product is a cookie or a cupcake, so they fall flat in both flavor and texture for me. Oily, insipid cookies with too much frosting. They are 'Insta-Worthy" but that's about it. I would recommend your cookies over theirs 6 days a week and twice on Sundays. Alchemy Bakehouse is where it's at!"
“Your cookies are THE BEST. I don't even eat sweets, but I'll eat your cookies every single time!”
"Amazing is all I can say. You make the best cookies in the world!! True Fact."
“So delicious there are no words. Your cookies are like a really good book when, after reading, you want to join a book club just so you can discuss it with others.”
“My wife took her first bite. In a barely audible whisper she said "that's unbelievable". "I know!" I said. She took another bite as she studied the cookie, as if it were a fraud and she was gonna get to the bottom of this facade. Finally she said "How does he do it?" with the look of a master cookie baker that had just conceded defeat. Bravo.”
“THAT PEACH COOKIE IS AMAZING! I’m not just saying that, it’s a poem in a cookie.”